


Boys will be boys

by jostenyards_queen, Rhalia_is_dead



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Characters, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Lord of the Flies, Alternate Universe - Lord of the Flies Characters, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Bottom Ralph, Crushes, Draco Malfoy is a Good Boyfriend, Everyone Is Gay, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Forbidden Love, Gay Albus Dumbledore, Gay Draco Malfoy, Gay Harry Potter, Good Voldemort, Harry Potter is a Good Boyfriend, Hogwarts Forbidden Forest, Jealous Harry, Jealousy, Light Angst, Mentor Draco Malfoy, Mentor Harry Potter, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Pining, Pining Draco Malfoy, Power Bottom Draco Malfoy, Requited Love, Room of Requirement, Room of Requirement Shenanigans, Rubeus Hagrid's Hut, Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Room, Top Harry Potter, Top Jack Merridew, Top Voldemort (Harry Potter), Unrequited Love, switch ralph - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jostenyards_queen/pseuds/jostenyards_queen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhalia_is_dead/pseuds/Rhalia_is_dead
Summary: Harry Potter x Lord of the flies AU---------The boys didn't expect this. A giant castle full of mysteries and surprises. Hogwarts.---------Ralph and Jack explore hogwarts (and each other) with the help of the other boys.---------Boys will be boys.---------
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Tom Riddle, Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)/Ralph (Lord of the flies), Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Jack Merridew/Harry Potter, Jack Merridew/Ralph, Severus Snape/Ron Weasley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Pilot

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crack fic because we don't have lives. we do not own lord of the flies or harry potter, nor do we own the characters or plot, and credit goes to their respective authors. Be warned, future chapters may include smut.
> 
> Best friends Ralph and Jack are first-years at Hogwarts. The events of lord of the flies have not happened.

Hogwarts. What a beautiful sight it was. Ralph had never seen anything as breathtaking, as grand, as monumental, as the castle looming above him, however he noticed that the colossal towers looming above were quite daunting, their shadows creeping over him like massive spears. A shiver went through his body, though Ralph couldn't tell whether it was from awe or fear. Before he could work it out, Jack laughed from beside him. Ralph followed Jack's gaze to an unnaturally large man awkwardly trying to get into a boat that looked as though it were made for a child. For a moment, Ralph considered yelling out to the man to warn him that the boat would tip, but the man climbed in and paddled away before Ralph got the chance.

"Ha! Did you see that? What an idiot!" Jack remarked. Ralph didn't quite understand Jack's sense of humour, but they were best friends, so he didn't really need to. The two of them seemed to enjoy each other's company enough to make up for the fact that they had very little in common.

"Poor bloke. I don't understand how he fit in there, to be honest. It looked far too small for a man of his size..."

"C'mon Ralph, are you really that thick?" Ralph's confusion must have been obvious, because Jack continued on. "We're at Hogwarts? A school for magic? That oaf must've been a wizard. I'm pretty sure there's charms or something to stop muggles from coming near, so unless he's some sort of weird magical beast that hasn't been discovered yet, he's a wizard."

Of course, how could Ralph forget? He grew up with his Aunt and Uncle after his parents were imprisoned, and because both his Aunt and Uncle were squibs with no children, he grew up as if magic didn't exist. Jack's family was full of skilled witches and wizards, but they tended not to use or mention magic whenever Ralph was around, likely out of pity for Ralph growing up without his parents. Ralph appreciated the gesture and all, but there was no forgetting his parents or what they did. He would never see them again, and he would never forgive them, but that didn't stop him from imagining a life where he was loved. His Aunt and Uncle were cool and all, but they would never love him like he was their own child, the way he wished to be loved. Jack was the closest friend he had, and the only person to truly accept him. Ralph supposed he’d rather have a loving friendship with Jack than no love at all. 

Jack must’ve realised how far-away Ralph’s mind was, because he placed a firm hand on Ralph’s shoulder. “Are you alright, Ralph? Was it something I said?”

“Uuu---um, nothing!” Ralph felt himself blush, not from embarrassment from Jack noticing how upset he was, but from what he felt when Jack touched him.  _ What is wrong with me!? _ Ralph thought. He just needed to push those weird feelings away. He was just being silly.

Ralph shook Jack off, trying to stay focused. “Where are we supposed to go now?” Ralph asked, a sore attempt to change the subject.

“I think we’re supposed to go over to the dock where that massive guy was. My brother said that’s where the first-years meet up before going to the castle.”

“I guess we should head over, then.”


	2. The Hogwarts Express

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry makes his way back to Hogwarts to repeat his seventh year, but he’s got a special someone on his mind....

Last summer had been a mess. The entire year had been a mess. Instead of studying for their NEWT’s and making everlasting memories with each other, Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione, had spent their seventh year trying to evade Voldemort’s constant attacks, and, you know, trying not to die. Somehow, the fate of the world had landed on their shoulders, as the ministry of magic was overthrown by Voldemort and his death eaters. The three of them took on the task of destroying all seven of Voldemort's horcruxes. 

The year they spent trying to destroy the horcruxes now felt useless. All of it amounted to nothing. The war ended when Dumbledore helped Voldemort to understand that he was simply in the midst of gay panic, for he was in love with Voldemort. It was a twist none of them had seen coming (aside from Seamus, who had been saying since the war began that Dumbledore and Voldemort should “skip the fighting and just kiss already”). God knows where the two are now, probably on some secluded beach in the Bahamas sucking each other’s faces off. And now, the seventh years had to repeat the school year. Great.

Harry leant back into his train seat, thankful he had a compartment to himself. Many of the seventh years had chosen to make their way to Hogwarts themselves, mostly through apparition to Hogsmead. Harry had decided against it, considering how tired he’d been lately and the risk of splinching.

It seems Draco Malfoy had a similar idea. Harry had seen him walking around the train in his green and silver Slytherin robes. Draco's summer couldn't have been much better than Harry's. While Voldemort was able to get off scot-free, many death eaters were sentenced to time in Azkaban. Draco's father was one of the aforementioned death eaters. Though Harry hadn’t been there, he’d imagined the trials must have been tiring. Draco certainly looked tired. Despite this, Draco somehow managed to still look hot. 

Though Harry was afraid to admit at first, he’d had a massive crush on Draco for the majority of his time at Hogwarts. No one knew, not even Ginny, Harry’s previous girlfriend. Harry had genuinely liked Ginny, but their relationship was broken after the war. After 9 months away looking for horcruxes, the two had drifted apart, and though they did end on good terms, the two rarely spoke now.

Harry was jolted out of his stupor when the train pulled to a stop. Outside of the window stood Hogwarts, looking just as grand as it had before the war. Also outside were the young witches and wizards who had been in hiding from the dark lord the last 17 years. Harry paid little attention to them as he swiftly made his way to one of the thestral drawn carriages. 

Harry wasn’t left alone for long. Mere seconds later, Draco Malfoy was at the door of the carriage.

“Do you mind?” he asked

Harry gulped before stuttering out his reply “N-no!”

Before Harry could say anything else, Draco had sat himself down dangerously close to Harry. Oh Merlin, their thighs were practically touching! Harry tried desperately to reign in his more frisky thoughts as the carriage slowly started moving. This was gonna be a long ride.


	3. The Beastie Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack walks in on an intimate scene while looking for the great hall...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are like the antichrist to J.K Rowling, but like, the good guys

For once in his life, Jack was unsure. Unsure of himself, unsure of this school, unsure of what was going to happen, unsure of what to expect. He didn’t like it. Of course, he had anticipated this uncertainty; it was time to be sorted.

Coming from a mixed-house family (his mother was a Hufflepuff, his father a Ravenclaw, his three brothers and sister each from a different house), house selection had never been important. He was rather intelligent, as was he brave, cunning, loyal and ambitious. He knew who he was, but he had never been sure what part of him was strongest, which traits ruled his thoughts, his actions.

Today was the day he would find out.

Jack was pulled away from his thoughts as Ralph nudged him. “JACK! C’mon, mate, stop daydreaming. It’s time to go to the Great Hall. The sorting’s about to start!” He wasn’t wrong; there was a seemingly endless flow of students pushing down the hallway, shouting and whooping as if they were at a Quidditch world cup. Unease began to consume Jack and he felt the overwhelming need to get away from all the people, all the noise, all the crowd. He really did hate crowds.

“Um, just give me a minute to go to the bathroom quickly, would you? Haven’t been all day, and I doubt there’s a bathroom in the Great Hall.” It wasn’t quite the truth - Jack knew there weren’t bathrooms in the Hall, but he had gone to the bathroom just after they arrived, while Ralph was distracted by a group of bony winged horses that Jack was unable to see - but Ralph didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll come with you. Wouldn’t want one of us to get lost.” 

* * *

They hadn’t taken long to find a bathroom, but by the time they were done, the hallway was completely empty. They wandered in the direction of the Great Hall, but once they reached the moving staircases they were completely lost. The noise from the Great Hall had completely died down and the boys had no way of telling which staircase would take them to the feast and which ones would take them to some obscure corner of the castle, so they just sat down by the wall and crossed their fingers that someone would pass.

Jack was content to sit in comfortable silence, but Ralph had other plans. “So, what house do you reckon you’ll get sorted into?”

“Uh, I have no id-”

_ Crack!  _

“What the fu-”

_ Crack! _

Jack was getting rather angry, rather quickly, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was Ralph asking about the sorting, maybe it was this annoyingly loud cracking that sounded like fireworks and kept cutting him off mid-sentence. Whatever it was, it would need to stop soon, or Jack would end up punching a wall. So, as the problem-solver he was, he leapt up from the ground, grabbed his wand, and stormed towards the source of that noise, while Ralph sat there like a useless sack of potatoes.

It should’ve taken more time to find whatever was making that horrific sound, but after about 10 seconds of running towards its source, Jack could make out voices. As Jack sped around a corner, he realised that he recognised one of the voices. 

_ How did he know the voice? _

* * *

Why did he have to run into Peeves and Harry at the same time? God, Draco couldn’t have had worse luck. Peeves never bothered Draco when he was alone, but he sure enjoyed targeting Potter. He needed to get to the Great Hall; he was already running late for the sorting. If Peeves holding him up wasn’t enough, he just knew he was going to embarrass himself in front of Harry. Yet again. He didn’t understand why his cool confidence disappeared in front of Potter. Seeing Harry just made him feel things. Things he couldn’t make sense of. Things that made his face heat up and his heart skip a beat. Foreign, secret things that Draco just didn’t understand. Draco felt nauseous just thinking about it.

Draco had been running down a corridor when Potter and Weasley had sprinted out from around the corner and straight into him. They made a collective groan when they landed in a pile on the stone floor, which had apparently been loud enough to alert the resident poltergeist, Peeves, of their whereabouts. The boys stumbled to their feet just as Peeves appeared through the wall at the end of the hall and began to approach the boys.

“Damn it, Potter!” Draco cried. “You and the weasel just HAD to run me down and get this goblin’s attention.”

“It wasn’t our bloody fault! You ran into us!” Weasley spat. How he hated Ronald Weasley.

“OHOHOHO! LOOKIE HERE! HARRY POTTER AND HIS BOYFRIENDS! WHAT FUN!” Peeves cackled. They were really fucked now.

“Ron, just go, mate. You can’t be late, McGonagall will have your head. I’ll meet you at the Great Hall.” Ron simply nodded at Harry, mumbled something that sounded like ‘thanks, mate’ and took off down the hallway.

Draco looked towards Harry, only to notice that Harry was already watching Draco with surprising intensity. “Whatareyoulookingat?” Draco blurted out, feeling his face heat.

Harry looked mortified. “Uhm nOthing what are you looking at!?”

“HA! It’s almost like Harry Potty and his little boyfriend don’t even know they’re in love! But Peevesy knows, oho! Peevesy knows even if rotter Potter doesn’t! HA! Has he written you any love letters like the girly did? How did it go again?  _ His eyes were as green as a fresh pickled toad, his hair- _ ”

“Oh shut up, Peeves. We don’t have time for your shenanigans. Bother us when we’re not in a rush.” Potter complained.

“Well, it isn’t fun when you get to choose the time, you stinky rotter. I can’t let you just leave whenever you ask! What would they say about me? No, I think you’ll have to stay right here until I’m done with you, little old Peevesy needs to have fun too!”

“Potter, he isn’t letting us leave the easy way. We’re going to have to leave now if we want to make the sorting, and I haven’t got my wand to fight him off. You got any ideas?”

“Actually, I might…” Harry considered his next move with a pained expression. Then, he started tearing off his clothes at an incredible speed. 

“Damn Potty, you looking fine! Bet Ferret loves it”

“WHAT IN MERLIN'S BEARD ARE YOU DOING!?”

“What does it look like? We don’t have any weapons, so we’re going to have to throw our clothes at him.” By now, Potter was standing in only his boxers, with his clothes bundled in his arms.  _ God, what a stupid (albeit beautiful) specimen. _

“What made you think this was a good idea?” Draco asked incredulously. “Do you expect me to do the same?”

“Well Peeves gets caught in the curtains all the time, so I thought this would be the same. Also, yeah, I do expect you to help out. C’mon, it’s not that weird.”

“Hey, it’s a real problem!” Peeves blurted out.

“Okay, I’ll do it. But first, you have to swear to never tell a soul.”

* * *

Jack could not understand why Harry Potter ( _ the _ Harry Potter) and a blonde boy were standing in only their underwear before a poltergeist. This was the kind of weird shit that Jack didn’t think he wanted to stumble across, so he stayed hidden out of sight around the corner.

It appeared as though the boys planned on fighting off the poltergeist by throwing their clothes at him. Wasn’t Harry Potter supposed to be a good wizard or something? Apparently not, as it seemed like this shocking idea was his. Harry also seemed almost… delighted? Did he truly believe that throwing clothes at a poltergeist who could  _ float through walls _ would be a proper solution? As far as Jack could tell, the poltergeist looked completely unconcerned. But Harry had a gleam in his eye, and Jack realised with a start that it was because of the blonde boy.

_ Harry Potter had a crush on him. _ And by the way the lanky blonde was furiously blushing, he was crushing on Harry, too. 

_ Oh my God, make out already. _

The two boys locked eyes and Harry nodded. They then proceeded to charge towards the airborne poltergeist, and Jack decided that viewing whatever was about to go down would make him feel incredibly dirty, so he sprinted back to where he left Ralph.

“Where’d you go, Jack? We’re running so late for the sorting!”

“I’ll tell you all about it later. Do you know how to get to the Hall?” Jack wasn’t sure why he thought Ralph would have figured out how to get there, but it probably had to do with Ralph’s uncanny ability to get help from absolute strangers.

“Yeah, some ginger ran past and told me about a shortcut. Seemed to know what he was doing.”

“Well then, let’s go.”


End file.
